Touch it, the magic elixir of life.

Wisdom has lead me here and lots of questions have fueled the answers to my belief in why this may be true…
I believe everyone has a beautiful brain, it’s not until they sculpt the inside of their mind followed through to their body outside and into the world, will they seem to experience the true essence and power of creation.
Understanding what is happening through direct observation is more real then theorizing in the mind about the future possibilities.
Trying things, has been my greatest teacher.
See, possibilities are endless and infinite.
And distracting.
But my wisdom and understanding has led me to believe that all can be traced back to 1 thing.
Source energy.
Source power.
Source life.
Whatever you want to call it, it’s interesting to watch and observe.
I like to stimulate it.
Like I am stimulating you right now.
Stimulate your eyes, mind, and maybe you’re even hearing my voice in your mind.
Senses being stimulated and so is the world.
It’s fun.
Have fucking fun.
It feels good.
And so did sharing this with you.
Thank you for reading.
Together we help create this world we share.
Create something from the heart.
It’s beautiful.
So are you.

Stay Clear Of Marketing Agencies That Eat Your Profit and Business For Lunch.

It makes me sick when new clients come to me after working with a large marketing enterprise that placed a #Death #Contract on them.
The reporting, the metrics, and the KPI’s from these agencies are all sorts of fucked up. These @$$h0l3s create no accountability for themselves and give numbers that leave business owners confused, scared, and close to broke.
Then the business owner begins to lose trust with these giants and start to look around for an answer to their business problems but barely trust anyone in the market place.
They send me their “monthly reports” and my guts turn inside out. Only reporting metrics that make them look superficially good on the surface but don’t actually provide value.
When I get on the phone with these business owners, I feel more like a teacher and shrink than anything. Working them through the tangled mess of bullshit to figure out the straight line to success.
Trying to help them focus on what actually matters to a struggling business. Then teaching them the processes we will follow for success.
Then, I show them the magic software validator.
We login to the business dashboard.
They see the colors.
The graphs.
The charts.
The maps.
And ultimately the bottom line of the business I’m showing. #Instantly
Instant access to KPI’s in a beautiful display that’s so sexy, it could make Apple melt with envy.
“See here”, I say, “These are the numbers that tell the story of the success and failures of the business. This #Data gives indications to owners whether to celebrate or get back to the drawing board and grind it out.
The business dashboard reports information that drive profitability and accountability…. All in one place. No longer do you have to crawl around the web to get a picture of how your businesses is performing.
See it here, live, and all with a simple click.
As soon as the business owner makes the connection in their mind between the horrible pdf they get each month and this…
Their eyes light up!
They begin to see what’s possible.
Their hopes and dreams start to come back into perspective!
They begin to feel the certainty settle back into their bodies while their restricted lungs begin to open up and they can now breath again.
Then they ask the question…. “How can I get this and what’s the next step?”
That’s when I say… “it depends if we’ll be able to work together or not. This dashboard is a luxury tool that I provide as an extra benefit for working with me. It’s specifically made for my clients to prosper.”
If you work with us, you will get this too. But the reason I use it, so we can hold everyone responsible to the metrics that matter to your success.
Then I hear, “how can I get you to work with me?”
My response, “Let’s dive into your business and find where the problems are and what needs to be done to maximize your revenues and profits. If there’s enough profit potential than we’ll do business.”
So we dive in…
And we pull #data that gets down to the truth of their business.
Once everything is pulled in, I ask this important question,
“What’s your businesses goal for the next 90 days?”
And so many times I hear vague responses….
Abstract triggers words that aren’t tangible.
So we work backwards from their personal goals and the reason why they are doing all this in the first place.
This gives the emotional energy we can use to move them back on path if they fall off or get distracted.
Next we come up with the numbers based on their current conversion rates. {9/10 dead ass horrible}
If their conversion rates are profitable….
The conversation would like this:
If you need 10 Customers a day at a cost of $275
For you thats 1,000 leads a day
Which comes out to 60,000 impressions a day.
At an average revenue of $1,000 a customer…
So, see how it costs you $275 to get a customer that you make $1,000 from? You make about $750 profit per customer…
“How many of those would you like?”
“The correct answer is, as many can you get me? “
But too often, like this client I’m writing about, their numbers are pointing to a certain future death. And the B.S. marketing they are doing with this large enterprise is actually driving their business into the ground.
Every ad she runs, loses her money.
And it took some time for her to figure it out…
But when she did she was left feeling stuck.
Locked into a contract. Losing money. Not knowing what to do.
She went back to her marketing company and they said…
“Oh let’s increase your ad spend.”
“Let’s extend your contract…”
But her gut feeling told her to run.
And she ran to me begging for help… Literally telling me, “I’m desperate!”
And for some special reason, her story touched my heart.
I couldn’t stand watching her business go down.
She told me her struggles. Her mistakes. Her opportunities.
All she wanted to do was run her business, help people, and be a good person. And for your information, this professional women has a heart of gold.
But you know what can happen to hearts of gold…
They too often get taken advantage of by Capitalistic Ass Clowns who don’t really care about people. Ass clowns that just care about profit. Not value or her profit but their profit.
This is what makes me so sad about capitalism. It’s not set in value created. But value derived. (Long live #Valuism)
I was left here wondering what to do. Even though I don’t normally take on these small clients anymore, I couldn’t sleep at night thinking about the almost criminal behavior that was legally being forced on her in that #death #contract.
The next morning, I started her campaign…
I worked three days straight with very little sleep because my clock was ticking down for the next project that was about to start.
And right now, some of the results came back in from campaign. I was shocked. Normally it takes a bit of time to dial in a new market but this was something different.
I can officially say, I decreased her marketing costs by 573% and already matched the previous marketing company’s total monthly leads acquired and it’s only been 3 days!
She’s so happy and over the moon!
Our conversation today was golden. I love love love when the skills I worked so hard to build and craft can be used to save peoples livelihoods. It’s the feedback that inspires to me work harder to improve, grow, and become a master of this craft.
And I swear to God, if any of you run businesses and are using large corporate marketing agencies to help you with your online marketing and advertising, I can pretty much guarantee you could do better.
Don’t let the status quo stop you from reaching new heights.
It’s not your fault. You were busy with business. They came in and made it easy to buy from them. It was convenient. They spoke a nice script, had a nice smile, and sold you a “in the box” marketing package they sell to everyone else.
If you happen to be a business owner, I can’t promise I can help you or even that I have time to but please please please, follow your gut instincts.
Look for someone to audit your marketing. Look deeper into the data. Find someone who speaks your language and you can feel their heart is filled with pure and positive intentions.
It’s so so so important.
You could be a few percentages away from leveraging billion dollars assets to grow your business profitably and quickly. Unfortunately if you have sub-par marketing, that same billion dollar systems will run your business into the ground. Even if you were off by 1 small percentages. Precious makes all the difference.
Leverage the data to make better decisions and watch your success blast off into new heights. If you don’t have it, get it set up. It’s not hard.
#Data helps us all make better decisions when building our business. We want our businesses to be assets rather than a liabilities.
Know your KPI’s and get a tool to see them instantly at a moments reach.
I’m tired of commodity based marketing agencies screwing over good honest business owners.
If you want to learn more about the Math Of Business. Comment below and maybe if enough people are interested I try and find time to do a webinar where I go through business metrics to help you plan out your businesses success. We can pick a member of the audience and go through their numbers live.
With love,
Ryan Twedt
P.S. Know of anyone in a struggling business remember to tag them here. It could mean the difference between success and failure.
====End of Rant=====

Gettin’ Lucky? – It’s not what you think

I use to think success was about getting lucky.
I use to think success was about being at the right place at the right time.
I use to think success was about knowing the right people.
I use to think success was about being smart.
I use to think success was about doing the right things.

But success isn’t what you think.

Success is a word, defined by you and only you.

Success shall never be determined by anyone else but you.

If you let others define your success, you will never feel fulfilled.

Success starts the moment you define it.

When you begin to step into your success and move towards it, your vibrational resonance shifts. You literally begin to shake so subtly, on a cellular atomic level, invoking the law of the universe called gravity. This gravitational force attracts the things you call success. The force pulls towards you those things that shake on your vibrational level.

Success is literally what you define it. If you feel success isn’t possible for you, you are right. If you superficially believe success is about cars, houses, sexy human beings, and material stuff… You’ve missed the point… Material things are results or “effects” of your success. Believing those are the results, you will never ever achieve them. Ever.

Success is deeper.

It’s more spiritual.
It’s more heart felt.
It’s more abundant.

Look at everyone who made it “rich” quickly, do you know how high their bankruptcy rates? Their depression rates are? See how high their suicide rates?

Do you believe that is success?

I believe that’s propaganda of a lie.

The dichotomy of success is it’s internal but shows up in the world as effects. Just like the current western medicine approach of curing symptoms of the disease and not the disease itself. I’m not saying success is a disease, it’s actually the opposite. What I am saying is, success should not be defined by the effects but by the cause.

Change the cause and it changes the effects. 🙂

What’s the cause?


You can start with defining success.  Believing it’s your truth. Walking in faith without attachment to the results. Empowering your successes manifestation through heart felt action.

Watch out. Funny thing is, many times defeat is starring you in the face, tempting you to quit, give up, let go, hide, and fail…. Once this is let go, freedom comes alive and everything seems to fallinto the right place.

It’s not always easy… What growth is? The hard parts test your faith. The resistance temps your true desire to come forth. If you truly desire the level of success you define, accept it and receive it. Without receiving it, you will always push it away.

I defined success the wrong way. I believed it was everything I was not. I didn’t believe I truly deserved it. But we do. We all do. That’s our birthright. The creator created us to be in it’s image. CREATORS.

Create the magic of your life. Create the success you define. Create the abundance inside and experience it all around you.


I was homeless… Broke… Lost… Enslaved…

But I new in my heart that success was a matter of time, and it was… It doesn’t have to be a matter of time for you. It can be anything. For me, I believed I had to help people get what they deemed success and then I would get mine. It was true for me. It may or may not be for you.

What you term success is the point I’m trying to make.
How you get it is up to you…. but the funny thing is, it’s never gotten…. only experienced and then it transcends. Like all the illusions of our life.

Success isn’t real… just an illusion.

Like all illusions, they can be fun, magical, and childlike.

So play with them. Enjoy them. Experience the child like nature inside you.

What do you have to lose?

Enjoy every moment.


My Life Has Completely Changed

Today, I was looking over the ocean throwing a frisbee to my friends as they were diving in trying to catch the white plastic saucer from the waves and wind. The salty water mixed with sweat running down my face; eyes red, cheeks slightly sun burnt, and a heart on fire for life. I never would have told you 6 months ago I would be here. Here in the closest thing to heaven, I’ve ever experienced. I’m living right in the middle of heaven. With three of my favorite friends a happy white  ‘pup’ named Whinnie and a set of circumstances only heaven could create.

“God, thank you. The power that has come together to create this is inspiring.

Show me the path, you want me to walk down and I’ll bare the weight of your lively crown and bold flag. Empwer the beat in my heart to be of your love. Marry my heart and soul. Empower your mighty creation within my fibers. Open of my mind to the brilliance of your creations. Help me see that which I don’t see with my own eyes. I share with you, my grace. The grace of compassion, the grace of love, the grace of acceptance, and the grace of forgiveness.

Thank you for bringing me closer to you. And in this moment, as I wright and do right, I give my all to you.

It feels good to confess my love for Mother Earth and Father God.
The birth of their creation is that which you are made of.

The POWER reside in you.

Inside the light.”

Fire lights up my heart, a smile brightens up my face, and the happy tickle in my tummy telling me, something is about to change. Something is about to be unleashed. And you don’t even know what it is. Keep being you. That’s all you can ever do in this life. So decide how you want to experience.


“Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;”


The world is evolving faster than ever before. Our meaning of what life is, had shifted. We believed at one time, one way was the way. Yet, grossly misunderstood the ramifications of any one way, is never the way in nature. It doesn’t statistically work out. So the universe has built into it a multiplex dimensional life support system driven in relationships between consciousness and presence.

Aligning our inner nature with outer nature brings into alignment a symbiotic and powerful experience, I believe, our Earth is calling out for.

We are living in a world full of terror, war, death, deceit, seperation, isolation, torture, conquest, and theft. We are being enslaved to the ideals of a few, forced to live a percentage of our life to support a corrupt political system that moves to war faster than to peace.

How are our values showing up in the systems that we create? I don’t believe they are.

Yet, I am finding that most of humanity is fast asleep, too willing to give up responsibility for their own lives in order to be sedated by television, prozac, alcohol, material lusts, and fear. We give up our freedoms for safety and yet we are less safe than ever before. We are 15 years out of the most war driven century humans have ever experienced. More of our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters have been brutally killed, sacrficed for the benefit of what????

Really? What the fuck have we gained through this fear, terror adversed life? We are perpetuating the problem that we actually caused. Unfortunately, most people are fast asleep to see what’s been happening in front of their very eyes. We hear from others, that the system is broken, corrupt, defeated, and leaning with advantage towards a few who benefit. We all inherently know this in our hearts but who knows the solution to all this???

I believe we all do, if we just quiet ourselves down, connect with our hearts, and open our minds to the infinite possibilities that lay in front of us.

If we listen for the echoes in the universe. We seek deeper meaning and understanding with wisdom at our foresight and to seek to understand the complexities of our human experience. Our conscious understanding of the ways our world and lives work is driven deeply and intently by the power in our hearts.

How does your heart feel? Can you even feel it?– If we look at the world and ask ourselves how are the hearts of man, right now? –
The answer: Not Good. It’s the number one reason for death in America.
It’s stuck in a perpetual state of fear, lost in a cycle of problem, reaction, and outside solution.

We have broken hearts that are sick, disease ridden, and hurting for deeper understanding, health, vitality, and loved centered connections.

Too many of us are afraid of terror.
Too many afraid of the world.
We are afraid to step outside of our comfort zones and do something different because we are full of fear.

This cycle repeats itself.

And if we look at how the biggest nations/empires treated the world… I find again, their hearts are not in it for love but for self gain.

We react out of fear.

Look at America…. They put Native American Tribes in concentration camps, killed them, and took away their cultures. We did this to african americans. We did similar things this to Japanese Americans. And now we are doing this to Muslims.

I stand not for a culture built on the back of slaves, driven by fear, moved to conquest, and motivated by selfish greed. I stand for a culture empowered with love, compassion, connection, hope, freedom, and responsibility.

The hippies had it partially right in the 60’s, they just didn’t see it fully to fruition, like we are. They stopped when their movement slowed.

But today, we are in a more connected world, smarter, and more prepared to stand together to facilitate freedom and responsibility for all.

We are NOT afraid of giving up on the outdated “American Dream” in order to live our own dreams. And the beautiful thing, when we empower each other to live life in pursuit of building our dreams, we facilitate a deeper dimensional shift in the collective human psyche.

Our hearts light our lives on fire and burn passion into lives around us. The energy to synchronize off of is right here in front of us. Join the movement.
Embrace your inner being. Place your hand on your heart, and breath the fire of your love into your body.

How To Grow

growth-sphere Growth isn’t easy. Expanding beliefs isn’t always comfortable but the rewards are of infinite possibilities.

I’ve been pushing myself to get outside my comfort zone for so long and when it finally got easy… I realized I stopped growing. That’s when my outside reflective experience said, “Crack — Eat this toad”

See this story. See that illusion… Feel this pain and that clenching sensation. Insecurity here and there; oh it’s everywhere!

Then my mind screams to ask the question. “What am I going to do about it????” – Run, Fight, Hide, Deny, React… no… Just breath. Just breath and feel into it, right now.

Locate the emotional pattern and honor its presence. Allow wounds and trauma to bubble up from years of denial, suppression, and repression.

Sometimes it seams we don’t have a choice but to face our fears but we do have a choice. That’s the blessings of our freewill. The question is do I want to grow or stay the same?

These darks sides of our experiences are real. We have them. Most people love to watch others go through them… Hence TV and Movies. We call it entertainment but is it something more???

When it’s the movie of your life, how many times do you click the remote to turn you off and click something else to turn on a entertaining distraction?

I’ve closed my eyes, dove in deep to my greatest fears, and pet the dragon of fury. Gave him love. Shared with him the light of this life. Thanked him for the fire that he blazed outside that helps me see that which is already in, the inside.

The mirror of life reflects the experiences of your internal state. Tensions outside = tensions inside entangled in a memory of past experience(s).

The loving suggestion to self: expand and grow. Open up to even more new possibilities of being. Fuck it ain’t easy. A bit scary. Challenging… but it’s all part of life’s journey.1342163559thumb

Allow yourself to feel that which is coming up into your experience.

Big love!


What on Earth am I doing?

16-Behaviors-of-Executive-Presence-1012x1024Living the craziest, unexpected life experience I’ve ever dreamed of…
Balls deep inside a computer, working to create magic, looking to help others, and be the best fuckin human being I can be.

For me…

That’s about working on projects like, call accountant. A traffic channeling call tracking plugin to measure where people came to your website and called from. If they came from Google, the phone tracking phone number will change. If they come from facebook, the number will change. This will help you identify where you leads are finding you. Check it out if you want to know where your leads are finding your website from and calling you. Click Here

I’m working with entrepreneurs, health hackers, best selling authors, marketers, business owners and non-profits.

Plastic Surgeons in Des Moines, IowaDoctor of integrative medicine in Kansas City. Churches, health care staffing, schools, and so much more.

I’ve looked at thousands of businesses, de-engineered their businesses models, and have idolized the best attributes of them.

I LOVE everything that I do but one thing I’m running into is lack of scalability.

The question I’m trying to solve is how to train other people and business to empower technology to grow their businesses. It’s simple and obvious but why is it so difficult?

My life is busy… I’m trying to meditate daily, read books, study, grow business, empower people, have fun, be healthy, and be me… But I seem to forget to make time for that. Yet, what I’m discovering in a non-time dimensional existence that the real purpose of life is becoming overhelmingly present in each activity that we do. When we be, and we choose with emotional intentions pure as innocence we open ourselves to experience the magic of the universe unfold in front of your very eyes.

This allowing comes through. It unfolds from within to without. We see this shape and motion occur during the movement of a baby child through the birth cannel.  It’s a universal form of coming out through yourself rather than coming to from outside of self. We are ever unfolding into the universal experience.

I share this moment with you. I enjoy the unfolding of this experience that we can chew on.

What are you trying to do with life?

Where are you trying to go?

What on Earth do you want to experience?

Better yet, how do you want to feel?  —

Challenge Yourself By Pushing Into Fear

from-the-heart1Figure out fear for yourself.

I found it’s a joke.

Literally a foolish joke used to lock us down as slaves.

Why do we succumb to such illusory false gods?

It’s ridiculous mockery of our human potential.

We allow some made up stories of possible potentials to be probables in a possibility of 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,0000,000,000

Face the facts, FEAR is Casper’s Shit.

Literally ghost poop.

Get it?

Stand up to the imitation of reality that fear cloaks your mind with and taste the sweetness of reality with a tinge of sour lemons.

Enough twinkle to make your butt hole pucker up a bit.

Standing out door of an airplane waiting to throw yourself out and into the air of possibilities for which you choose to live into.

Diving out and getting sucked down to Earth in a force much weaker than we really want to admit.

For the strong forces, our eyes can’t even see.

We aren’t consciously aware of them anyways.

The real forces that drives us beyond fear.

Forces that of higher awareness and conscious activity.

Energy forces vibrating at levels unfounded by the ego and higher than self can perceive.

If fear is your master, rise up and fight. The battle is tough at first but easy in the end.

Fear is a weak force to overcome. Fear is illusory. Fear is fake.

Only when we believe the lies of fear we become afraid.

Don’t accept the lies and be liberated.

Even if the liar is you… typically always is… Rise above the ego painting you with it’s eraser…

Slowly erasing you from time and wiping you off the face of the planet.

Don’t allow that damn fear to win.

Allow your heart to shine through.

Allow your soul to come to battle for you.

Allow your mind to let lose and be free.tumblr_lxz2ufoqkp1qb2si6o1_400

Allow your higher awareness to perceive the truth.

You are free.

Let your heart open and hear it’s beat.

It will tell you a story of your life.

It will move you to do the things you were to afraid to do before.

It will inspire you to go from the bring to beyond.

You heart is the key to your future.

Trust it.

Live in it.

Choose to love with it.

It loves you.

Give it a chance to create your life.

Rather than the spastic fearful mind.

Move into your heart.

Feel it’s space.

Hear it’s sound.

Get it’s power.

You are more powerful beyond measure.

You just don’t see it.


Tap in.

Feel it flow.

Enjoy this moment.

It can last forever.

Love feels.

Feels Good.

Get into your heart and be love.

The world needs you to live from the heart.

I need you to live from your heart.


Do it. Then scream, “YES, I fucking did it!”

mugs-r7bbfd3a5b7f74d7eb22d000b017967bd_x7jgr_8byvr_152I cussed in the title and it’s real.

I’m going to challenge you with 1 simple thing.

Make one single cold call to some business you’ve never talked to right now.


Just 1 call.

What you will learn from this may just change your life.

Call before reading further.


There are endless valuable opportunities just waiting for you to call them and you sit sheepishly behind your desk, shaking in your boots.

It’s the truth and it’s beautiful to recognize the opportunity in this space.

We know that in every interaction information is given and it’s received.

Know that it’s more valuable with our questions then with statements.

Questions just motivate them to talk because we’ve been trained to answer questions and answer honestly.

It’s also, I believe, human code inside human language.

Measuring depth is something of an open trusting and deeper measure.

The challenge is on the table. Given as a partner working together in becoming out performing over achievers.

Any excuse we give ourselves just puts barriers in front of our achievements.

See the achievement, feel the success of that achievement, get deep into it.

Understand it’s energies and produce the same energy vibrations.


Now, ask yourself is that feeling showing up elsewhere in your life?

Bet it does.

Friend, this experience is emotional and expresses itself in many areas.

Where the actual work is done is inside the emotion.

It’s in the feeling.

When I feel fear, I seek to recognize and move into the experience of living through it.

Of course I understand life has it’s risks and these risks increase depending on what I’m doing… Say, jumping out of planes…. Or going to space.
(Both of which were on my bucket list, is is left on… Ill let you figure out which went. )

Moving into our emotional resistances creates strength.

Like a muscle exercising and building back torn tissues.

Our power does the same thing.

We can strengthen our abilities to achieve by exercising the achievement muscles.

Understanding the calmness that begins to arise when we really begin to understand the comedy of this silly monstrosity.

We be scared…

Realize the truth in the “I will later.” syndrome.


Welcome to the strip show,  Ms. Iwilla Laters.

Let me say one thing, “Aint no way.”

Do not even flirt with that ho.

Bitches be real and this the real deal.

Jump over her like something thats got three letters and ends with d’s.


You don’t want that hanging around your psyche.

OUTCH – remember it can burn when you pee.

So shut the door on Mz. Laters and keep yourself from having to take another visit to the clinic.

Make that call and bust through your fear.











Tabled A.D.D Ideas:


Phone Wave : jump in the hot seat and pull up the software get connected with businesses and you sell them your niche related market as they role through. Only sell what you know and talk to businesses and generate HUGE commissions that are making EVERYONE money.

pay-per minute telemarketing

How to open source a businesses and contract them through encrypted decentralized autonomous contracts.

Flow Master Wisdom From The Hot Tub.

I just found something better than meditation… meditation in a hot tub! MMMM. =) Scan the body, objectify sensations, and allow.

New #Flow #Master #Wisdom learned: When we look into the future, we more often than not, see it through the lenses of our past. So the past is actually living and creating our future based on our minds filtration of seeing the future through the lens of the past. (think about it)

Take away: Accept the future holds infinite possibilities. Take action creating real experiences through choice that’s free of self limitations from stories of the past.

Being: Living with #integrity.. I’ve found it’s not necessarily just about being ready for change, change is constant, it’s about creating intentional change through the lenses of the mind, word, and action.

Do I want to be reactive to the outside world allowing that to create my reality or be proactive in creating my reality from within and sticking through hardships?

When being in alignment with integrity, we show up differently to the universe, others, and ourselves. We stop tripping the bullshitter switch and we begin to see the truth of our real being.

We all lie to ourselves everyday with stories. Ever say trying to “figure out” this or that… Really we are making up this and that and trying to feel comfortable with whatever story we make up… Literally creating “make believe” stories in our mind.

How do we know the reality of the future when all we have is the present right, here, right now?

It’s about following through, committing to our intentions, our words, our actions, and ultimately our self.

What’s your reality right now?
Are you where you want to be?
Do you feel how you want to feel?
What are your excuses?
What are you willing to change and commit to in order to have, do, be, and experience the things you desire?

Making new sets of decisions, changing past habitual behaviors, all while living with integrity.

My questions to self, for the day.
How do I want to show up in the world for myself?
How do I want to show up in the world for others?